tonight I watched three episodes of ER...I'm onto season 7 now working my way up to season 10 I guess. I think that is when I started watching this show.

tonight was a three episode night...i think i watch when i'm stressed or bored and i'm on the stressed end of things. i know because my jaw is tight from all the clenching i've been doing recently and the tense neck.

i think the writing on this show progressively gets better over the years and draws me into the character development of the doctors and nurses and gives me a peak into the complex nature of other people's lives. it is easy to see the complexity of a character when you get a snapshot of them over 7 years and at defining moments during those 7 years. it probably isn't as easy to witness in real life unless you think hard about it. i wonder what the defining moments would be in my past 7 years and if any of them could be interesting enough to captivate an audience of millions if it were put to video. i also wonder if my life will continue to get more complex in years ahead, if the situations at work and in life will become more grey or clear. i've been working for the past 4 and a half years since graduating and some things are defiantly getting easier. but i also feel that my work is getting harder. i don't really enjoy the added responsibility the increase in work load and expectations. most times i just want to have things easy coast through the day and go home but it isn't like that any more. each day is filled with little and big judgment calls, decision of responsibility and a nagging pursuit to do better. most people who know me know that i'm dissatisfied with how my company runs. constantly behind the 8 ball we struggle to do our jobs and continually have to deal with the lack of forethought on a few people's part. i want things to change but i'm not sure how to make that happen. i want to take audience with my superiors and just scream at them that things are ridiculous that we have to stop and do things right, that there is a right way of doing things that pays off so much more in the end.

but for now i'll just watch multiple episodes of ER to escape my life and be entertained by fiction.